Author: davecriswell

If anyone knows where it is please let me know.

You may have seen me write before that triathlon, especially Ironman, is an inherently selfish sport. It requires the commitment of your family almost as much as the athlete. Here’s my dilemma:

Where do you draw the line between pursuing individual goals and walking away for the family?

If you are a regular reader than you know about my recent result at Ironman Lake Placid. In many ways I’ve accepted my DNF and no doubt have already learned a lot about myself and what I can use from that race in other races and in other areas of my life.

The support and well wishes I’ve received for just getting to the starting line have been overwhelming and have themselves been inspirational. But at the end of the day, I didn’t make it to the finish line and several times day since race day I think back to what I can remember about those last couple of miles on the course and wonder could I have made it if I just tried to keep going. Not knowing the answer is sometimes tortuous. I want to redeem myself, to myself.

On the flip side, my wife and son had a challenging day also. I think they both love the excitement that comes with the Ironman event. But at the same time getting up early and trying to navigate Lake Placid with thousands of other spectators plus the stress of seeing me come in from the course in an ambulance is not something anyone wants to experience often. Is it fair of me to want to sign up for another Ironman and put my family through all that again?

And so goes my search for the line. I know I won’t find it right away. I suppose this is also part of the journey and just searching for the line we’ll all learn a little something about ourselves.

So again I say, if anyone knows where the line is, please let me know.

Race day is a bitter sweet memory. While I was incredibly grateful to be out there, the way the day ended still has me up at night trying to figure out what I could have done differently or whether or not I could have dug any deeper and pushed through to the end.

I woke up at 3:45 feeling like I had gotten a great nights sleep. One thing I seem to have inadvertently trained myself to do is to use the bathroom first thing in the morning. This may seem like it isn’t a big deal but being able to empty the bowels before leaving the room and not have to worry about standing in a port-a-potty line with 2,400 other athletes is a huge relief!

After using the bathroom I went about the routine I had been running through in my mind a thousand times. Get the uniform on, put the timing chip on, put on my sweatpants and sweatshirt, mix up my nutrition and fill the water bottles. I was hoping to be done by 5 but was ready to walk out the door at 4:45. It was nice to have my bike and transition bags already dropped off from the previous day.

The plan was to meet Paul at 5 and walk down to transition together. I don’t remember what we talked about while walking down to the transition area but I was glad to be walking there with him. We had done marathon training together, lots of training for other races together and most recently we had been training for the past six months together for Ironman, his first and my second. We developed what was already a pretty tight relationship to one that was even tighter. Doing 7 hour bike rides together with someone who you have so much in common with will do that.

Once I arrived at transition I went through body-marking in what was a surprisingly short line, and went to my bike. There I put the bottles in their cages, topped off the air in my tires with a borrowed pump and gave the chain a quick lube. The last step was to drop off my special needs bags.

The only thing I had to do now was sit and wait. I found a seat at the place where I was going to meet my family and took in the craziness for a while. I felt calm even in the midst of all that was going on around me. While I was waiting I started the process of getting my wetsuit on so I was ready to go once my family arrived.

At 6:30 I met up with my wife and son and we made our way up to the swim start area. I had the chance to say a quick hello to the rest of my family. At about 6:40 I took in two Hammer Apple Cinnamon gels, took a swig of water, said my good byes and off I went to the swim start.

It took about 10 minutes to actually get into the water even though the total trip was only about 50 yards. All of the 2,400 athletes were being corralled over the timing mats through a 10 foot wide chute.

Just as I was getting in the water it started to rain pretty hard. The water was refreshing as I did my first few strokes and I was feeling very comfortable and relaxed after swimming for three or four minutes. I swam over to one of the beaches to minimize the treading I would have to do before the start. With about 5 minutes before the start I made my way up to the starting rope.

I still don’t know how smart a decision this was. In 2006 I started about 25 yards back from the starting rope and while it was pretty crazy I was able to find clean water after the first 1/4 mile. This time, that wasn’t the case. My swim had improved a lot in three years and I was feeling comfortable about starting closer to the front. I was still surprisingly calm when the cannon went off. I put my head in the water and started to swim.

The problem with starting so close to the front ended up being that I was never able to get into a great rhythm until close to the end of the first 1.2 mile loop. All the craziness actually made the first loop go by quickly. In that first 32 minutes I had my goggles knocked off once, almost had my wedding band pulled off, and got knocked around pretty good.

The 2nd loop wasn’t much better, even though I had cleaner water to swim in with fewer people, I seemed to have gotten stuck behind a slower group that no matter how hard I tried, I could not get around. I got out of the 2nd loop and saw that my time was almost 1 hour 8 minutes. I was swimming sub 1 hour training swims at this distance so I was kind of disappointed in my swim time. But, I just made my way to T1 to get on with the rest of my race.

In the grand scheme of things the Ironman swim is just a warm up for the rest of the day.

Saturday turned out to be more relaxing than I expected. The plan for the day is to put my transition and special needs bags together and drop them off along with my bike to the transition area.

The transition bags can be a bit overwhelming. In 2006 I put way more than I needed in them in anticipation of any worst case scenario I could imagine. I did pretty much the same this year, but not quite as bad. Here is this year’s breakdown:

Swim to bike transition bag: Helmet, bike shoes, sunglasses, socks, skullcap, electrolytes, gel flask with a mix of Apple Cinnamon and Banana Hammer gel, CO2 cartridge, Hammer Bar and arm warmers.

Bike special needs bag: This bag is available after the 1st 56 mile loop. This contained a 2 spare tubes, CO2 cartridge, Hammer Bar, 24oz bottle with 3 scoops of Hammer Sustained Energy, spare socks.

Bike to run transition bag: Running shoes, dry socks, canister of electrolytes, visor, gel flask with the same mix of Hammer Gel, Hammer Bar.

Run special needs bag: This bag is available after the 1st 13 mile loop. This contained a flask of Hammer Gel, canister of electrolytes, 20 oz bottle with 2 scoops of Hammer HEED, dry socks.

After getting the bags packed and putting the numbers on my bike and helmet I made my way down to the transition area to drop everything off at around 11am. Because of my participation in the Janus Charity Challenge I got a great number, 72, which meant I was pretty well placed in the transition area making my bag a little easier to find. This may seem like a little thing but I had a goal of beating my transition times from 2006 so being able to find my bags out of the other 2,400 wasn’t a simple process.

After racking my bike and hanging my transition bags I made my way down to Mirror Lake with the family so my Son could get a swim in. He had a blast and I was able to get off my feet for a while and sit in the shade. My awesome wife had packed sandwiches so we were able to enjoy a picnic lunch next to the lake.

After the swimming and picnic it was back to the hotel for some downtime before having to get back for the 2pm gathering of Janus Charity Challenge racers. If anyone reading ever decides to do an Ironman, I strongly urge you to get involved with this program. Besides raising money for the charity of your choice the people involved are fantastic and I’ve made some great friends. It was nice to catch up with them before heading back to the room for more downtime.

At about 5:30 I had my traditional pre-race meal of pasta with my wife’s homemade pasta sauce. Then, before turning in I layed out my GSTC race uniform & timing chip so I’d be ready to roll the next morning.

I felt ready to go. I did experience a few episodes of panic over the size task I was about to undertake, but I kept trying to turn my thoughts to the gratitude I felt for the opportunity I had to be able to participate. The only left to do was wake up and race….more on race day soon.

We arrived in Lake Placid the Friday before race day at about Noon. It was great to be in town again. This was my fifth year being at the race and 2nd year racing. There is something about the Lake Placid community and the energy of Ironman that is magnetic.

The plan for the day was to get registration out of the way and get a 45 minute ride in to loosen up after the 5 1/2 hour drive. We hit registration first and breezed right through – quicker than I expected. So quick that I didn’t have time to experience the nervous anticipation I had in 2006 while waiting in line. That “Oh s$*t” feeling of what have I gotten myself into. Instead, I found myself surprisingly calm.

Ironman has their act together. There are four stations to go through during registration, it’s all volunteers and is a very smooth process considering there are 2,400 athletes to process.

First stop is to sign waivers and verify emergency contact information is correct. One different thing I remember signing this time over my last Ironman was a HIPPA form in which you could give Ironman permission to share my medical status should I end up in the medical tent. If you read my last post you’ll know that it was a good thing that I checked “yes” on this question.

Next stop is weigh in. I weighed in at 200 pounds even, which is about what I expected. My home scale was at 194 without clothes and I had been taking Liquid Edurance to help with my hydration. A result from this supplement is small weight gains just prior to race day in the form of water weight.

Next stop is getting race day gear. This includes:

• Swag bag, which is considerably weak considering it’s by far the most expensive race to sign up for and they seem to have more sponsors than they know what to do with
• Swim cap marked with race number
• Timing chip
• Race numbers for the helmet, bike and race belt
• Five gear bags each with a number sticker and instructions on which bag goes with which sticker. The gear bags are for morning dry clothes, swim to bike transition, bike special needs, bike to run transition and run special needs. I remember this being completely overwhelming in 2006 but normal and expected for my return race.
• Number bracelet which identifies me as a participant and will get me into transition areas, swim start, post race awards, etc.

Last stop is to verify the timing chip which is a quick process and I’m out the door. I ran into a friend from Great Bay Masters during registration who was during the race for the 2nd year in a row. It continually amazes me what an awesome community trialthon is. I’ve been involved in the sport long enough that it’s guaranteed that any race I go to I’ll run into someone I know and be able to have a great conversation about the sport we share.

After a quick check-in at the hotel I connected up with my GSTC teammates for a spin. We were out for about 40 minutes and did a short portion of the bike course. I felt very relaxed and strong, especially on the hills we did – I remember hoping race day would bring the same feeling.

The rest of the day was pretty relaxed. After a quick shower I decided to worry about packing my gear bags on Saturday morning and just relaxed for a while until dinner. We were sharing a 2-room suite with some friends and were able to catch up with them before heading over to The Dancing Bear for dinner at the High Peaks Resort, both the hotel and restaurant are highly recommended if you are ever in Lake Placid!

The last 24 hours have been a roller coaster. It’s 7am in Lake Placid and as exhausted as I am I’ve been up since 5:30 after finally getting to bed around midnight.

Lots of people have asked me “what happened” at the race yesterday? I’m not sure that I can fit it all into one post so I’ll try to give a short summary now and will put up a full race report in the coming days.

After feeling good most of the dayand having what I thought was a pretty good swim, bike and first 10 miles on the marathon, things took a very quick turn for the worse after that.

Somewhere soon after that I began to get behind in my nutrition and hydration and it very quickly caught to me. Every time I tried to take in some gel I felt like I was going to throw up and unfortunately that was the only nutrition I had with me. I tried to use some of the on-course nutrition but that didn’t sit well either. Trying to eat pretzels was a particularly bad idea. I started to gag almost immediately after the first bite.

After running for most of the first 10 miles on the run I started to run and walk as I was able. Slowly that turned to more walking than running. I was hoping that trying to make up for the fluid loss by slowing my pace would catch me up and I could pick up the pace for the 2nd half of the marathon. That never happened – it seemed like my system just stopped absorbing anything at that point.

At about mile 18 or 19, I don’t remember exactly, I went from what I perceived as a power walk to just trying to put one foot in front of the other. Things are a little spacey until I get to mile 21 when I see some awesome supporters from the Granite State Triathlon Club. They gave me some words of encouragement and I pushed ahead.

The situation really went downhill after that. I remember going by an ambulance that was located next to an aid station and the EMT’s asking if I was OK. They said I was wobbling a bit but I told them I was OK. After another 2o yards or so I stopped and got really wobbly. I think the EMT’s were following me because I remember being held up at this point. They told me that they wanted to check me out and walked me back to the ambulance.

One of the last clear things I remember is them setting me down on the bumper of the ambulance. After that, the memories are scattered, except for one. At one point I heard them saying my name and rubbing their knuckles on my chest to get my attention and asked a question: “David, we need your permission to transport you to the medical tent”. My eyes welled up with tears as I nodded yes. After that I remember a mix of feeling cold and hot, shivering uncontrollably and trying to hold the tears back. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and go to sleep but the EMT’s kept asking me questions and rubbing my chest to keep me awake.

The next crystal clear memory is seeing my wife at the medical tent. At that point holding back the tears was impossible. I completely released. My time in the medical tent was a similar story of sporadic memories as I was hooked up to IV fluids. But, after four liters of fluids I began to feel coherent again.

After getting back to the hotel room the reality of why I faded so quickly became apparent when I got on the scale. Even after receiving 4 liters of IV fluid I had still dropped 15 pounds from my pre-race weight.

Dealing with my first DNF is an experience I’m still trying to figure out….more on that to come I’m sure.